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The recent incident has finally sent me into this realization.
Pain is so intricate, and coping with the loss of a loved one is a selfish process itself: you will never be able to comprehend the pain unless you are the one who loses. Even when we all share the same loss, each of us reacts differently to death and employs personal coping mechanisms for grief. I don't ever expect to receive any sort of comfort from people who simply don't lose the same thing - same person I have lost; even people who have experienced loss would not feel the same pain as I do, since they are themselves and I am me. So please, please do me this favor and let me be with my pain.
Please, do not ever tell me to get over it and move on; logically, human beings are naturally resilient, considering most of us can endure loss and then continue on with our own lives, yes yes, we all are aware of that. We also know that death is a part of us and there is no point in denying it, but correct me if I'm wrong, mourning is also a certain part that we go through in one way or another. I don't express entirely the pain I am enduring doesn't mean I am moving on; or even if I do express it a little more than I usually allow myself to, it doesn't mean I am unaware of what I am selfishly doing - I do want to be selfish for once, so please, let me be. If you are going through a loss, I will ensure to never tell you to move on nor anything pointless, for silence is the best thing in the world to me. So would it be the end of the world for you to do the same thing for me?
There's really nothing in this material world that could soothe this sort of pain, but I'm fine mourning like this, because he is an important friend who I treasured with all my heart, and that is the precise way I am going to continue treasuring him in my heart and memories until the end of my life. I want to keep grieving until the day I'm sure that he is no longer in pain. For that reason, would you mind stop judging and wondering, and let me be with my own selfish grief?
Thank you so much for being with me, for making an effort to understand, for everything. There are ones in this loss who need more comfort than I ever do, you know? The ones who might never be able to get over this pain...
Pain is so intricate, and coping with the loss of a loved one is a selfish process itself: you will never be able to comprehend the pain unless you are the one who loses. Even when we all share the same loss, each of us reacts differently to death and employs personal coping mechanisms for grief. I don't ever expect to receive any sort of comfort from people who simply don't lose the same thing - same person I have lost; even people who have experienced loss would not feel the same pain as I do, since they are themselves and I am me. So please, please do me this favor and let me be with my pain.
Please, do not ever tell me to get over it and move on; logically, human beings are naturally resilient, considering most of us can endure loss and then continue on with our own lives, yes yes, we all are aware of that. We also know that death is a part of us and there is no point in denying it, but correct me if I'm wrong, mourning is also a certain part that we go through in one way or another. I don't express entirely the pain I am enduring doesn't mean I am moving on; or even if I do express it a little more than I usually allow myself to, it doesn't mean I am unaware of what I am selfishly doing - I do want to be selfish for once, so please, let me be. If you are going through a loss, I will ensure to never tell you to move on nor anything pointless, for silence is the best thing in the world to me. So would it be the end of the world for you to do the same thing for me?
There's really nothing in this material world that could soothe this sort of pain, but I'm fine mourning like this, because he is an important friend who I treasured with all my heart, and that is the precise way I am going to continue treasuring him in my heart and memories until the end of my life. I want to keep grieving until the day I'm sure that he is no longer in pain. For that reason, would you mind stop judging and wondering, and let me be with my own selfish grief?
Thank you so much for being with me, for making an effort to understand, for everything. There are ones in this loss who need more comfort than I ever do, you know? The ones who might never be able to get over this pain...
Been a while
Hi. So I kinda dropped back here and realization hit me hard: wow, I haven't been on dA in AGES and my dA is all dusty now D: That also means I haven't drawn anything in forever, what a fail :"(
So...I figured I'll update something, even as stupid as this journal.
Life has been a massive joke to me. My grandma just left us, and I couldn't even manage to come with her to her final resting place because I was sick to the point I couldn't even move in bed and I had to take sick leave from work for weeks, again.
What the hell is wrong with those jokes, or did I do something wrong in my past?
Yeah, anyways, it's been a month and I just got bac
I'm not ranting._.
Do you know the feeling of waking up and seeing nothing but darkness?
Do you know the feeling of not being able to eat, not being able to sleep, not being able to do anything but lie on bed and cry all day?
Alone, I mean.
Perhaps I'm a drama queen.
Not like anyone can understand, anyways. It is my cross to bear. Mine.
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So it is decided that 2 dental surgeries will be coming after the blood test is complete.
Don't know what I should be feeling right now.
Oh, it's gonna be painful, yeah, great.
23rd years in life. HBD to me.
And the rain keeps pouring down. Not making things any brighter.
The number keep increasing every year yet the saying stays the same:
Happy 23rd birthday to me.
In another way of saying, hello, you are 23 years old already, can you see that?
23 years old. 23 years of living. Have I ever wondered, what good have I ever done to life? To people in my life?
I remember myself writing the same thing 4 years ago, my heart still so full of dreams and hope and life, and then them all being replaced by despair and pain the next year, and the next with bitterness, and to this very moment.
I remember myself stumbling.
I remember falling.
I rememb
Yeah.
Here I was so damn saddened and worried over you, funny, but I learned my lesson now, it was all so damn fruitless. How is it even possible for you to be unhappy when you have so many, many, many, many people who care for you, who love you, who go crazy over you, people who you are actually HAPPY to welcome and have endless conversations with? Why would I matter? Why would I - a freaking stupid, quiet, blind outsider - mean anything to you? No matter how much I've given up for you, it's all still pointless because I've always meant nothing to you since day one, I know. I wonder if you even remember my name.
Yes, yes, it was totally my bad f
© 2013 - 2024 Julye-chan
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