The recent incident has finally sent me into this realization.
Pain is so intricate, and coping with the loss of a loved one is a selfish process itself: you will never be able to comprehend the pain unless you are the one who loses. Even when we all share the same loss, each of us reacts differently to death and employs personal coping mechanisms for grief. I don't ever expect to receive any sort of comfort from people who simply don't lose the same thing - same person I have lost; even people who have experienced loss would not feel the same pain as I do, since they are themselves and I am me. So please, please do me this favor and let me be with my pain.
Please, do not ever tell me to get over it and move on; logically, human beings are naturally resilient, considering most of us can endure loss and then continue on with our own lives, yes yes, we all are aware of that. We also know that death is a part of us and there is no point in denying it, but correct me if I'm wrong, mourning is also a certain part that we go through in one way or another. I don't express entirely the pain I am enduring doesn't mean I am moving on; or even if I do express it a little more than I usually allow myself to, it doesn't mean I am unaware of what I am selfishly doing - I do want to be selfish for once, so please, let me be. If you are going through a loss, I will ensure to never tell you to move on nor anything pointless, for silence is the best thing in the world to me. So would it be the end of the world for you to do the same thing for me?
There's really nothing in this material world that could soothe this sort of pain, but I'm fine mourning like this, because he is an important friend who I treasured with all my heart, and that is the precise way I am going to continue treasuring him in my heart and memories until the end of my life. I want to keep grieving until the day I'm sure that he is no longer in pain. For that reason, would you mind stop judging and wondering, and let me be with my own selfish grief?
Thank you so much for being with me, for making an effort to understand, for everything. There are ones in this loss who need more comfort than I ever do, you know? The ones who might never be able to get over this pain...